For the past 6 months, I've had this verse on my wall: "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you." (1 Chronicles 28:20) .... the past 6 months were a time of trail for me. My family was going through a lot, I was having some serious health problems and, to top it all off, I was overwhelmed with post-graduation plans and decisions. That verse helped pull me through.
Last night, as I fell asleep staring at the verse on my wall, I decided it was time for a change. Last week, I had to make an incredibly difficult (and unexpected) decision regarding my academic career ... and, as a result of that decision, I received news that could jeopardize all of the plans I've made for the next year. My immediate reaction was one of frustration and major disappointment. I just couldn't understand why this was happening. After all, the very plans that were being jeopardized were plans I honestly believed God had orchestrated. Why would He lead me down a path only the drop a big "road block" in my way, forcing me to turn around and start all over again? It didn't make sense.
But after crying for about an hour in Tara's arms, I picked myself up and dusted myself off. God knows what's in my heart and He knows what I want. He knows, more than anyone else, what my biggest dreams are for my future. Because God is not malicious and spiteful, I have to believe that He wouldn't just step in and mess things up for the heck of it. Yes, God knows what I want ... but, more importantly, God knows what I need. If I need to experience delayed gratification in order to become the person God wants me to be, then I accept that. If I need to be humbled in order to be a better missionary, then I embrace that. If I need to have all my plans fall apart in order to learn to truly trust and depend on God, then I'm willing to watch every single one of my plans tumble. Because, ultimately, I expect God will lead me to where I need to be. And where I need to be is where He wants me. And where He wants me is where I want to be.
So the new verse that I have posted on my wall is this ~
Psalm 5:3
In the morning, O LORD, You hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before You
and wait in expectation.
I thought a lot about your day and how it may be a reason as to why you had to make a big choice. I think it was to show you that while you are helping people there are unexpected things that will happen. Like for example, whosoever you are trying to help, may not see you as helping them and not take your guidance. Or they may fall off the wheel while under your wing. I know that you don't like emotional roller coasters. But these things may happen that you can't control. And how are you going to react to it???
ReplyDeleteWith that said, what is the final verdict? And how did you mom take it??